I've been thinking a lot about success
lately. Okay...truth be told, I'm an achiever (down to my core), so I think
about success all the time. But lately, my mind's been consumed with how
exactly I define success in my own life. For my college girls, I know you
wrestle with, or soon will, the same questions, and I struggle in coming up
with how I would guide you on this subject.
In March of last year, Sheryl Sandberg,
COO of Facebook, drew worldwide attention with her narrative, Lean In.
The premise of the book (that I'm only about 1/4 of the way into), which followed the 2010 TED Talk you can view below, is that
"women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers and so it encourages women to “sit
at the table, seek challenges, take risks, and pursue their goals with
gusto" (amazon.com).
Naturally, Sandberg's message has drawn both enthusiastic praise and sharp
criticism. (When I've finished the book, more than likely next summer, after I
finish my masters, I'll follow up and let you know which side I land on!) It was
actually a letter from the editor in Real Simple in April 2013, however,
that caught my eye. Editor Kristin van Ogtrop rebutted,
Here's the thing: I
don't want to be striving for bigger/better/higher/more every minute of every
day. I don't always want to have a larger goal. That just sounds exhausting
and, worst of all, completely joyless. I want to enjoy my days: past, present,
and future. I take great pleasure in my professional success, but I can tell
you with certainty that, when I'm lying on my deathbed, I'm not going to be
thinking about career wins. I'm going to be thinking about my parents and two
sisters who greeted every new life situation like it was another chapter in a
long, hilarious narrative; my steadfast husband, who gave me love and a true
north; and finally, the three children who made me take life both more and less
seriously, and whose faces are the only thing I see when I close my eyes...I
don't really want to lean back for long. But I don't want to lean in, either. I
know I'm most comfortable standing up straight.
I suppose my struggle as an
achiever/woman/wife/Christian stems from my inability to define success in my
own life. Is it leaning in - charging ahead in a business career, chasing after
opportunities that others would envy, earning more, putting more hours in, and
being recognized for more? Or is it leaning back and settling into life as a
Pinterest-perfect mama with crunchy kids that eat organic snacks and speak
three languages? Or, is it tirelessly volunteering to raise money, plan galas,
and clock volunteer hours that others find impressive? Often, this achiever
feels like she has multiple personalities, and in all honesty, I don't always
know which one to appease.
This past Wednesday, the world lost an
incredible poet and a wildly successful woman when Maya Angelou passed away.
Scanning through Facebook statuses and Instagram posts, I was touched by many
incredible words Ms. Angelou shared with her audiences. It was one quote in
particular, however, that caught my eye.
I think Angelou was on to something when
she insinuated that, perhaps, true success is only experienced when we are
operating out of the inherent strengths and gifts God blessed us with. This is
why success looks differently for each of God's children. For some, it is
living amongst orphans in a third-world country. For others, it accepting a
coveted position and proceeding to make your first million before age 30. Maybe
success is reaching 100K followers on your blog, or, healing a friend with a
quiet listening ear in private, but desperately needed, counseling sessions.
The world has A LOT to say about what success looks like, and I know
that I often find it hard to quiet all those opinionated voices in my own head.
"But who are
you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it,
'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out
of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common
use?" (Romans 9:20-21)
I write A LOT of blog posts. Now, I know
what you're thinking...this girl is the most inconsistent blogger ever! She
hasn't written a post in weeks. You're right. I write A
LOT of blog posts in my head...posts that never make it to the internet. As an
achiever, my biggest barrier to success is the fear of my own failure - the fear that
I will be unsuccessful. So, while I think and reflect and write countless
paragraphs in my thoughts, most never make it to the page because I see two
options - be a wildly successful, 100% dedicated, regular blogger or just don't
bother. I only see two ends of a continuum, no spectrum in between. I'm my own
worst opposition. In too many areas of life, I see two options: instant success
or instant failure. But through the lens of God's word, I can start to see how
resting in the promises of the Lord, the promises that He has equipped me and
made me to carry out a specific purpose in this life, will reveal a spectrum of
success I don't have to be afraid of.
So, if asked by my college girls, in the
peak of the planning stage of your lives, as you define your own success, "just what
does success look like", what would I say? Would I tell you to lean in, lean
back, or stand up straight? "Because of the Lord's great love we are
not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great
is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I
will wait for Him." (Lamentations 3:22) I think I would tell you (and tell myself) to just be still.
