February's Three Little Words

Well, it's February now, so I suppose its time to move my thoughts and plans for 2015 (as promised) out of my head and into the writing realm. I've been "prepping" this post in my head for weeks now, as I tend to do, and realized that the things holding me back are exactly what I want to overcome this year. My good friend and blogger, Natasha Red, challenged her readers to choose a word to define their hopes for 2015. She chose three words, so I'm taking that liberty too! My 2015 words for the year are:

Author and researcher Brene Brown says, "we live in a culture with a strong sense of scarcity." Living as Americans, this is hard to imagine, but from the moment we wake up, our focus is on what we don't have enough of. "I didn't get enough sleep." "I don't have enough time to eat breakfast." "I don't have anything to wear." "Have I done enough to please my boss today?" "Have I worked enough hours?" "Did I spend enough time with my spouse?" "Did I get enough exercise today?" The list never ends... If we are not careful, the time/money/days/opportunities will slip away, right in front of our eyes. I for one do not want that to happen. I want everything I do to have a purpose. So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31) I want my work to be intentional. I want to be intentional about building relationships, developing and nurturing friendships, and strengthening my marriage. I want to make things happen, not let things happen to me.

This word - enough - is a mantra in itself that helped me a lot through the latter part of last year. It is a Biblical truth that I so often lie to myself about. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14) I am more than enough, made in the image of God. I don't have to do anything to be good/successful/smart/beautiful enough. I just put a sign on the wall in my bedroom that reads, "let whatever you do today be enough." One small word, one huge impact on the way I talk to and love myself.

Another gift I received from Natasha Red was awareness of an incredible product I'm just now diving into, Lara Casey's Power Sheets. One of Lara's themes is, "progress, not perfection." Yes. When I set BIG goals, like I'm doing this year, I have to focus on so much more than the end product or the ultimate picture. Instead, I must look ten steps ahead (not ten miles) and make daily/weekly/monthly progress towards my goals. Progress is encouraging, it's nurturing, it drives me to keep moving towards good goals. Perfection is paralyzing, unattainable, and discouraging. "Progress, not perfection."

Moving forward this year, I plan on sharing, more specifically, my monthly breakdown of "goals with grace" for 2015. I want to create accountability as well as choose faith over fear by writing down what I'm working towards. For now, here are some overall goal themes I've set for 2015:

1. Let God's word be a lamp unto my steps. I'm striving to spend every day in the word, and read through the entire Bible this year. I'm following a chronological plan on my phone app to help keep me on track, but I'm also journaling along with my reading for thoughts, application, and questions.
2. Get back to the basics health wise. Eat more vegetables. Drink more water. Do more yoga. Integrate more essential oils into my life. Go to be earlier. Nothing complicated, just good old tried and true healthy living.
3. Use encouraging words. With myself. With others.
4. Put my marriage first. Weston and I have already started a fun new habit of scheduling a lunch appointment together once a week to make sure we are intentional about our time together.
5. Pursue the passions God has placed in my heart. I'm starting to set and stretch for some professional goals that align with the strengths, passions, and desires God has placed in my heart. To start, I am regularly praying for Him to give me opportunities to do so. Faith over fear.
6. Spend less, give more. In pursuit of a simpler life, I'm looking for opportunities to give the gifts God has entrusted us to steward away, while minimizing the worldly clutter in my own life.
7. Read more books that interest me. For the past 22 months I've had my reading pretty much laid out for me. And while many of my graduate school material was very interesting, I'm looking forward to keeping that learner habit going once the books stop being assigned.
8. Use our home to bring glory to the Lord. From the moment we decided to move, Weston and I both agreed that we would do so only under the intentional practice of opening our home to serve others and build fellowship. We're off to a great start, and we plan to have many more parties and dinners here with family and friends each month.
9. Blog well and blog more often. Each time I meet you here, I am fed. I hope that sometimes, I feed you. God has given me a gift and a thirst to share my words, and I'm going to do it more often and more purposefully this year.
10. Find a work rhythm. Working from home with a flexible schedule is still very new and different to me. From designing a better work space to learning to better block my time and schedule, I want to get into an efficient and effective work groove.

2015 is going to be a BIG year. It's the year I'll graduate with my masters degree (9 more weeks, but who's counting!). It's a year I am putting goals out there, BIG goals, and taking daily steps toward achieving them. It's the year I move past daily to-dos and into the land of BHAGs (big hairy audacious goals). It's a year for growing physically, growing spiritually, and growing personally. It's a year to walk closer to God, pursue His will passionately, and push aside my own fears for faith. 

What are your words for 2015?

Starring Role or Supporting Actor?

Did you know the phrase "always a bridesmaid, never a bride," was coined in 1925 in a Listerine advertisement? It's a phrase we've probably all used at one time or another, without giving second thought to where it came from. Beyond its literal translation, its definition implies describing a person who's potential is never fulfilled. Leaving something on the table. Not cashing in on the hand you're dealt. A good supporting actor, but not star material. Use of the word always seems to insinuate that the personality trait can't ever be shaken. Are some are born to be indians, never to be chiefs? Just as a person is either an introvert or an extrovert, are we destined to either sing lead or sing backup?

Over the last 30 days, I've had the privilege of having a front row seat to watch someone else's dream unfold. In my new role at Loehr Chiropractic & Acupuncture, I'm a part of an awesome team that supports the vision and dreams of one entrepreneurial doctor. Not that Springfield Ballet was my dream, by any means, but in my previous role, I carried out the dreams of a founding Board no longer involved in the day to day operations of the organization. I was in the driver's seat. After my career transition, some might argue I've gone from a starring role to a supporting part. A bride turned bridesmaid. A chief turned indian. But here's the thing I'm finding out. Following your own dream, or sharing in someone else's, are equally emotional and equally rewarding experiences. 

Growing up, my mother (a retired speech/drama teacher) always told me, "there are no small parts, just small actors." Now, I know there were times when I rolled my eyes and assumed that this only applied when you didn't get the part you wanted! It went in one ear as a sugar-coated consolation prize, and out the other with a chip on my shoulder. The more I study leaders and teams, though, I think she was right. (This is what happens as you get older, right? You start to realize that maybe your parents did know what they were talking about...) Without a good tribe of indians, who needs a chief? And without a lead singer, the backup singers are out of business. God has gifted each of His children with unique gifts and talents, but unless they are combined, they aren't fully effective. 

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously;if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12:3-8)

Clearly, God has given us gifts, talents, strengths, and functions. Being in the starring role is not a gift, it's one way to use a gift, but not the only. God allows us to use our gifts in starring and supporting roles, sometimes in the same year, heck, sometimes in the same day! So my challenge (to you and to me) is this, let's define success less by a title and more by an impact on our communities and the people we interact with. Let's applaud the whole band and celebrate the whole cast of characters...our Heavenly Father sure does!

Be Still

I've been thinking a lot about success lately. Okay...truth be told, I'm an achiever (down to my core), so I think about success all the time. But lately, my mind's been consumed with how exactly I define success in my own life. For my college girls, I know you wrestle with, or soon will, the same questions, and I struggle in coming up with how I would guide you on this subject.

In March of last year, Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, drew worldwide attention with her narrative, Lean In. The premise of the book (that I'm only about 1/4 of the way into), which followed the 2010 TED Talk you can view below, is that "women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers and so it encourages women to “sit at the table, seek challenges, take risks, and pursue their goals with gusto" (amazon.com). 

Naturally, Sandberg's message has drawn both enthusiastic praise and sharp criticism. (When I've finished the book, more than likely next summer, after I finish my masters, I'll follow up and let you know which side I land on!) It was actually a letter from the editor in Real Simple in April 2013, however, that caught my eye. Editor Kristin van Ogtrop rebutted,

Here's the thing: I don't want to be striving for bigger/better/higher/more every minute of every day. I don't always want to have a larger goal. That just sounds exhausting and, worst of all, completely joyless. I want to enjoy my days: past, present, and future. I take great pleasure in my professional success, but I can tell you with certainty that, when I'm lying on my deathbed, I'm not going to be thinking about career wins. I'm going to be thinking about my parents and two sisters who greeted every new life situation like it was another chapter in a long, hilarious narrative; my steadfast husband, who gave me love and a true north; and finally, the three children who made me take life both more and less seriously, and whose faces are the only thing I see when I close my eyes...I don't really want to lean back for long. But I don't want to lean in, either. I know I'm most comfortable standing up straight.

I suppose my struggle as an achiever/woman/wife/Christian stems from my inability to define success in my own life. Is it leaning in - charging ahead in a business career, chasing after opportunities that others would envy, earning more, putting more hours in, and being recognized for more? Or is it leaning back and settling into life as a Pinterest-perfect mama with crunchy kids that eat organic snacks and speak three languages? Or, is it tirelessly volunteering to raise money, plan galas, and clock volunteer hours that others find impressive? Often, this achiever feels like she has multiple personalities, and in all honesty, I don't always know which one to appease.

This past Wednesday, the world lost an incredible poet and a wildly successful woman when Maya Angelou passed away. Scanning through Facebook statuses and Instagram posts, I was touched by many incredible words Ms. Angelou shared with her audiences. It was one quote in particular, however, that caught my eye.

  

I think Angelou was on to something when she insinuated that, perhaps, true success is only experienced when we are operating out of the inherent strengths and gifts God blessed us with. This is why success looks differently for each of God's children. For some, it is living amongst orphans in a third-world country. For others, it accepting a coveted position and proceeding to make your first million before age 30. Maybe success is reaching 100K followers on your blog, or, healing a friend with a quiet listening ear in private, but desperately needed, counseling sessions. The world has A LOT to say about what success looks like, and I know that I often find it hard to quiet all those opinionated voices in my own head.

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" (Romans 9:20-21)

I write A LOT of blog posts. Now, I know what you're thinking...this girl is the most inconsistent blogger ever! She hasn't written a post in weeks. You're right. I write A LOT of blog posts in my head...posts that never make it to the internet. As an achiever, my biggest barrier to success is the fear of my own failure - the fear that I will be unsuccessful. So, while I think and reflect and write countless paragraphs in my thoughts, most never make it to the page because I see two options - be a wildly successful, 100% dedicated, regular blogger or just don't bother. I only see two ends of a continuum, no spectrum in between. I'm my own worst opposition. In too many areas of life, I see two options: instant success or instant failure. But through the lens of God's word, I can start to see how resting in the promises of the Lord, the promises that He has equipped me and made me to carry out a specific purpose in this life, will reveal a spectrum of success I don't have to be afraid of.

So, if asked by my college girls, in the peak of the planning stage of your lives, as you define your own success, "just what does success look like", what would I say? Would I tell you to lean in, lean back, or stand up straight? "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." (Lamentations 3:22) I think I would tell you (and tell myself) to just be still.

The Skeleton in My Closet

I am a perfectionist. Yep, there's no denying it, I'm as type-A as they come. In fact, I am so much a perfectionist that it literally pains me to let my guard down enough to share these thoughts with you all. However, if I could write a letter to my 20-year old self, I would, and ministering to you girls is the closest chance I get.

There are times in life when God is subtle, and there are times in life when He smacks you right across the face. Tonight, in preparing for our "Chase" Bible study, He smacked me. Hard. As I read through the study guide, praying about what message He had for me to share with you all, I instead found myself staring into a message directed right at me.

How much are you trying to control your image or what others think of you? Answer these questions:

• Do you freely confess you current struggles to close friends? Oh no, I'm the one who's there to listen and counsel others, the one who feeds and doesn't need to be fed.
• When someone accuses you of something do you immediately get defensive? Guilty.
• Are you quick to condemn when you hear about someone else screwing up? And do you feel like you are above making massive mistakes? Nope not above, but certainly don't want to let people see me sweat.
• Do you get frantic when you feel misunderstood? Absolutely. 
• Do people think you have it all together? Of course, how could I let them think otherwise?

I am still in a bit of a panic right now as I regurgitate these thoughts to you. In addition to being a perfectionist, I'm an extrovert, and in all honestly wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm open, happy to share and wouldn't describe myself as private. With one BIG exception - when it comes to my failures, or even my weaknesses.

True story - I had a melt down at a driving range when I was 16 years old. It is a wonder that I've ever picked up a golf club since. You may be wondering what on earth could have caused me to come unglued during a "fun" afternoon date to the public driving range. We're talking hysteric tears, heaving chest, burning cheeks, paralysis kind of melt down. I couldn't swing, wouldn't swing. And the culprit? The simple possibility that if I swung the club, I. might. miss. This was such a painful experience, and example of my desire for a perfect image, that I used it as the analogy for my college entrance essay more than a year later.

Flash forward to undergrad. I was so fixated on maintaining a perfect GPA (fear compounded by Drury's untimely institution of the + & - grading scale), that I vividly remember having to rush out of class (sometimes on a weekly basis), find a private bathroom and sob hysterically, because I could no longer breathe sitting in class I had buried myself under so much weight and pressure. Minutes later, I would return, feathers seemingly unruffled, never letting on to my melt down.

Let me be clear, I am not proud of this. Furthermore, I blame no one for this obsession with my identity as someone who has it all together. My parents were nothing but supportive and encouraging with the realistic expectations that any parent/educator would have. No, this is self-imposed, compounded by a grip of sin on my heart telling me that I am in control and control is a beautiful thing. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Even as I write this, a supposed revealing message, I am tempted to highlight and erase the entire thing with one swift click for fear that I'm rambling and the PERFECT words haven't been found. But let me be open with you for a few more moments. I struggle every.single.day with this stronghold on my heart; I'm working on it. In the infinite wisdom of my 20s (ha!) I am just beginning to learn to let go and let God. I am seeing the beauty in my own weakness, for it is only then that God's strength can shine through me. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."
(2 Corinthians 4:7)

Will you walk with me on this journey? Will you ask me and push me to be real with you? To be an honest, open example of a messed up sinner, wiping away my facade that I've got it all together? I don't have it all together. And you don't have to either. Thankfully, we serve a God who does have it all together, and offers His unconditional love to us in spite of our ugliest failures. 

He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.

(Psalm 103:10)

Run, Forest, Run!

Let me just clear the air before I share these Tuesday morning thoughts, that most of you (my college Bible study girls) could run/work out in circles around me - making me feel not only old but out of shape - so no, this is not a lecture in healthy living! Your dedication to caring for the bodies God gave you is inspirational to me. Let's not even talk about the huffing and puffing involved in my first spin "class" given by one of my college girls...that's another story for another time!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily strangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)

Photo credit: www.runwomenshoes.com

It is the first day of the new college semester. What promise this holds for you - God's missionaries on campus! But alongside that promise, my heart writhes in pain with the fear of what you, His precious disciples are about to face. There is spiritual warfare being fought in our world. Simply look around, turn on the news, check your social media feed or examine your own life, and you will feel it. Taste it. Hear it. See it. Loud, clear and pungent, Satan is waging war on God's children. And he has a stronghold on campus life. Even in the short time God's turned this blog in this new direction, I've very clearly poured out the heart I have for the college women I am blessed to minister to. I often try to express to them emotionally how I am old enough to have hindsight perspective, yet young enough to still taste the temptation, pain and struggles they deal with daily. And guess what? It doesn't go away upon graduation. While the battlefield may change, the war wages on.

Set your eyes on Jesus. As though you would focus intently on the finish line of a race; fix your gaze on Him. He has laid the path out for us, but oh how our hearts want to chase other things. What are you chasing after? Perfect grades (guilty)? A friend or boyfriend's approval (guilty)? Social status or popularity because of the brand you're wearing or the car you drive (guilty)? A different body shape or size (guilty)? We are all chasing something. And while we're chasing after the next shiny thing that passes by, God is relentlessly pursuing us. So let's stop running from Him and run to Him. Let's stop running the path we've laid out for ourselves, and instead run the path He's set before us. As I read through this scripture from Hebrews 12:1, I keep picturing the scene in "Forest Gump" when Forest, as a little boy, starts to run and his leg braces fly off.

As you start a new semester, my prayer is that each of you finds the power of the Holy Spirit God has placed inside of you to run the race He's set before you. He will run with you. He is present with us always. My prayer is that in spite of what's chasing you, threatening to catch up to you and run you down (be it stress, pressure, tests, homework, etc.), distracting you from the race...in spite of all that spiritual warfare, that you would hear His voice calling out to you. Just like Forest heard sweet Jenny from behind him yelling, "Run, Forest, run!" May you look up and hear clearly your Heavenly Father's voice calling, "Run, my child, run." All my love and His. xo