Why (I imagine) Getting a Masters is a Lot Like Having a Child

Having been married for 4+ years now, and slowly but surely approaching the upper end of my twenties, I (not so shockingly) get asked frequently when we're going to have children. Not so much by our families (my father-in-law knows better ever since I told him asking that question was like lightning at the pool, every time he asked, I restarted the clock!), but by concerned citizens who must be very worried that our fabulous genes won't get passed on (hey, if I get teased, I can dish it back, right?)! Lately, I've begun giving a response that I do in fact have a child - it's name is a masters degree - and I can quite convincingly compare the two. So, for your entertainment, here are the Top 10 Reasons, I imagine, Getting a Masters is a lot like Having a Child:

1. Since beginning my masters, I've gotten a lot less sleep. Masters work keeps me up at night, babies keep people up at night. Or, if I try to go to sleep, I instead typically lie awake thinking about what masters work I should be completing. I'm not making this up - the black circles under my eyes and my bloodshot right eye are proof.
   
2. Masters degrees are expensive. While (thank goodness) not quite the cost of raising a child for 18 years, still not chump change. To raise a child born in 2013 to the age of 18, it will cost a middle-income couple just over $245,000, according to newly released estimates from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
   
3. I cannot neglect my Masters degree. Without a lot of care and attention, it would die. Babies require quite a bit of attention too (so I've been told).
   
4. My masters degree is aging me. Since beginning my masters, I've gotten reading glasses, developed horribly slumped "computer" posture, and experienced a plethora of aches and pains. Kind of like my mother telling me I was giving her grey hair!
   
5. Some days I love my masters more than others. My mom used to tell me, "I don't always like you, but I'll always love you." There are definitely days (and nights) when I don't like this degree, but for some underlying attraction, I keep on trucking.
   
6. I'm proud of my masters degree. I image the day I get that hood and the letters MOL after my name, I will shed a few tears. The kind of tears moms and dads shed at their child's graduation.
   
7. I celebrate little victories along the way. With the completion of each project, test, and class, I celebrate a little bit. Like first steps or first words, each credit hour is a small but significant victory!
   
8. This masters degree has put some serious strain on my social life! Many evenings have been spent at the computer or parked in front of a book instead of out to dinner with friends. Weekends at the lake have been encroached on as I holed away with a textbook while everyone else was having fun.
   
9. Sometimes corrections are necessary and well-deserved in a masters program. Sometimes you get an A, sometimes you don't. When I was briefly running this theory by a friend of mine who's a wonderful mama to three little people, she exclaimed, "thank goodness I don't get a grade in parenting, some days I'd get an F. But, the good thing is, the next day, I can start all over!"
   
10. Despite the sleep deprivation, anxiety, expense, sacrifice, and difficulty, in the end, I know getting my masters will be more than worth it. Nothing worth having comes easy, right?

Just Do It

I can think of a million and one reasons why I shouldn't write this post. Maybe no one will read it. Maybe people actually will read it. Maybe it won't be interesting. My blog doesn't have a consistent brand, or audience, or look, or name. Maybe it will be too personal....the list goes on and on. In fact, I can really only think of one reason to write this post.

A good friend of mine "resuscitated" her blog today, after more than a four month hiatus. In her post, titled "31 Days of Responding to Him,"she talked about having similar reservations, to which her husband had replied, "If God is asking you to do something, you just do it!" Many of you who are believers may have had an experience where God spoke directly to you, typically stopping you in your tracks. This phrase did just that to me. If God is asking me to do something, why would I wonder if I should do it?


Lately, I've been wrestling a lot with exactly what God is asking me to do. I think there's an idea that's developed in our culture that "God's will" is an X on a treasure map and we are just treasure hunters searching blindly to find it. We assume that when we do, we will find something akin to nirvana - a life of perfect contentment, all pieces will fall into place. This idea is perpetuated by things like "searching for the perfect job" or "finding one's soul mate" or being "destined to live in a certain place." But I'm humbly reminded that God's will was for His one and only son to suffer and be executed. So why do we assume that His will in our lives will be a protected heaven on earth? He's already promised us an eternity of perfect living, in Heaven, with Him.

What if there are a million different earthly paths and places God could use you in? A mentor of mine told me recently, "God wants you to know His will for your life so much more than you want to know it. " I just can't believe our God is elusive or tricky. God is loving, all-knowing, fatherly, and generous. He has already  given us His will so clearly, if we would just open up His word and reveal it.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

In the Lord's prayer (Matthew 6:9-13), Christ taught us to pray..."thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." While we may pray this prayer on autopilot, what if we really dissect those words - how clear they are! God's will is for His work, modeled for us by Jesus Christ, to be done on earth, as it is being done in Heaven...as it was modeled for us on earth by his Heavenly Son. God's will has been done by missionaries, fisherman, carpenters, shepherds, kings, harlots, and more. Who's to argue that there is only one profession where we can truly fulfill His will for our life? What if instead of always seeking "God's will" as though it were some magical answer we just have to uncover, we would spend our time and energy seeking God's wisdom. 

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)

God, give me wisdom. Instead of me seeking your will, which you have already generously given, let me seek your wisdom with my whole heart. Let me walk each step rooted in your presence so that my light in this world would be yours, and that through every thought, word, and action, I would bring you glory. Amen.

Be Still

I've been thinking a lot about success lately. Okay...truth be told, I'm an achiever (down to my core), so I think about success all the time. But lately, my mind's been consumed with how exactly I define success in my own life. For my college girls, I know you wrestle with, or soon will, the same questions, and I struggle in coming up with how I would guide you on this subject.

In March of last year, Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, drew worldwide attention with her narrative, Lean In. The premise of the book (that I'm only about 1/4 of the way into), which followed the 2010 TED Talk you can view below, is that "women unintentionally hold themselves back in their careers and so it encourages women to “sit at the table, seek challenges, take risks, and pursue their goals with gusto" (amazon.com). 

Naturally, Sandberg's message has drawn both enthusiastic praise and sharp criticism. (When I've finished the book, more than likely next summer, after I finish my masters, I'll follow up and let you know which side I land on!) It was actually a letter from the editor in Real Simple in April 2013, however, that caught my eye. Editor Kristin van Ogtrop rebutted,

Here's the thing: I don't want to be striving for bigger/better/higher/more every minute of every day. I don't always want to have a larger goal. That just sounds exhausting and, worst of all, completely joyless. I want to enjoy my days: past, present, and future. I take great pleasure in my professional success, but I can tell you with certainty that, when I'm lying on my deathbed, I'm not going to be thinking about career wins. I'm going to be thinking about my parents and two sisters who greeted every new life situation like it was another chapter in a long, hilarious narrative; my steadfast husband, who gave me love and a true north; and finally, the three children who made me take life both more and less seriously, and whose faces are the only thing I see when I close my eyes...I don't really want to lean back for long. But I don't want to lean in, either. I know I'm most comfortable standing up straight.

I suppose my struggle as an achiever/woman/wife/Christian stems from my inability to define success in my own life. Is it leaning in - charging ahead in a business career, chasing after opportunities that others would envy, earning more, putting more hours in, and being recognized for more? Or is it leaning back and settling into life as a Pinterest-perfect mama with crunchy kids that eat organic snacks and speak three languages? Or, is it tirelessly volunteering to raise money, plan galas, and clock volunteer hours that others find impressive? Often, this achiever feels like she has multiple personalities, and in all honesty, I don't always know which one to appease.

This past Wednesday, the world lost an incredible poet and a wildly successful woman when Maya Angelou passed away. Scanning through Facebook statuses and Instagram posts, I was touched by many incredible words Ms. Angelou shared with her audiences. It was one quote in particular, however, that caught my eye.

  

I think Angelou was on to something when she insinuated that, perhaps, true success is only experienced when we are operating out of the inherent strengths and gifts God blessed us with. This is why success looks differently for each of God's children. For some, it is living amongst orphans in a third-world country. For others, it accepting a coveted position and proceeding to make your first million before age 30. Maybe success is reaching 100K followers on your blog, or, healing a friend with a quiet listening ear in private, but desperately needed, counseling sessions. The world has A LOT to say about what success looks like, and I know that I often find it hard to quiet all those opinionated voices in my own head.

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" (Romans 9:20-21)

I write A LOT of blog posts. Now, I know what you're thinking...this girl is the most inconsistent blogger ever! She hasn't written a post in weeks. You're right. I write A LOT of blog posts in my head...posts that never make it to the internet. As an achiever, my biggest barrier to success is the fear of my own failure - the fear that I will be unsuccessful. So, while I think and reflect and write countless paragraphs in my thoughts, most never make it to the page because I see two options - be a wildly successful, 100% dedicated, regular blogger or just don't bother. I only see two ends of a continuum, no spectrum in between. I'm my own worst opposition. In too many areas of life, I see two options: instant success or instant failure. But through the lens of God's word, I can start to see how resting in the promises of the Lord, the promises that He has equipped me and made me to carry out a specific purpose in this life, will reveal a spectrum of success I don't have to be afraid of.

So, if asked by my college girls, in the peak of the planning stage of your lives, as you define your own success, "just what does success look like", what would I say? Would I tell you to lean in, lean back, or stand up straight? "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." (Lamentations 3:22) I think I would tell you (and tell myself) to just be still.

The Skeleton in My Closet

I am a perfectionist. Yep, there's no denying it, I'm as type-A as they come. In fact, I am so much a perfectionist that it literally pains me to let my guard down enough to share these thoughts with you all. However, if I could write a letter to my 20-year old self, I would, and ministering to you girls is the closest chance I get.

There are times in life when God is subtle, and there are times in life when He smacks you right across the face. Tonight, in preparing for our "Chase" Bible study, He smacked me. Hard. As I read through the study guide, praying about what message He had for me to share with you all, I instead found myself staring into a message directed right at me.

How much are you trying to control your image or what others think of you? Answer these questions:

• Do you freely confess you current struggles to close friends? Oh no, I'm the one who's there to listen and counsel others, the one who feeds and doesn't need to be fed.
• When someone accuses you of something do you immediately get defensive? Guilty.
• Are you quick to condemn when you hear about someone else screwing up? And do you feel like you are above making massive mistakes? Nope not above, but certainly don't want to let people see me sweat.
• Do you get frantic when you feel misunderstood? Absolutely. 
• Do people think you have it all together? Of course, how could I let them think otherwise?

I am still in a bit of a panic right now as I regurgitate these thoughts to you. In addition to being a perfectionist, I'm an extrovert, and in all honestly wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm open, happy to share and wouldn't describe myself as private. With one BIG exception - when it comes to my failures, or even my weaknesses.

True story - I had a melt down at a driving range when I was 16 years old. It is a wonder that I've ever picked up a golf club since. You may be wondering what on earth could have caused me to come unglued during a "fun" afternoon date to the public driving range. We're talking hysteric tears, heaving chest, burning cheeks, paralysis kind of melt down. I couldn't swing, wouldn't swing. And the culprit? The simple possibility that if I swung the club, I. might. miss. This was such a painful experience, and example of my desire for a perfect image, that I used it as the analogy for my college entrance essay more than a year later.

Flash forward to undergrad. I was so fixated on maintaining a perfect GPA (fear compounded by Drury's untimely institution of the + & - grading scale), that I vividly remember having to rush out of class (sometimes on a weekly basis), find a private bathroom and sob hysterically, because I could no longer breathe sitting in class I had buried myself under so much weight and pressure. Minutes later, I would return, feathers seemingly unruffled, never letting on to my melt down.

Let me be clear, I am not proud of this. Furthermore, I blame no one for this obsession with my identity as someone who has it all together. My parents were nothing but supportive and encouraging with the realistic expectations that any parent/educator would have. No, this is self-imposed, compounded by a grip of sin on my heart telling me that I am in control and control is a beautiful thing. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Even as I write this, a supposed revealing message, I am tempted to highlight and erase the entire thing with one swift click for fear that I'm rambling and the PERFECT words haven't been found. But let me be open with you for a few more moments. I struggle every.single.day with this stronghold on my heart; I'm working on it. In the infinite wisdom of my 20s (ha!) I am just beginning to learn to let go and let God. I am seeing the beauty in my own weakness, for it is only then that God's strength can shine through me. "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us."
(2 Corinthians 4:7)

Will you walk with me on this journey? Will you ask me and push me to be real with you? To be an honest, open example of a messed up sinner, wiping away my facade that I've got it all together? I don't have it all together. And you don't have to either. Thankfully, we serve a God who does have it all together, and offers His unconditional love to us in spite of our ugliest failures. 

He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.

(Psalm 103:10)

Run, Forest, Run!

Let me just clear the air before I share these Tuesday morning thoughts, that most of you (my college Bible study girls) could run/work out in circles around me - making me feel not only old but out of shape - so no, this is not a lecture in healthy living! Your dedication to caring for the bodies God gave you is inspirational to me. Let's not even talk about the huffing and puffing involved in my first spin "class" given by one of my college girls...that's another story for another time!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily strangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)

Photo credit: www.runwomenshoes.com

It is the first day of the new college semester. What promise this holds for you - God's missionaries on campus! But alongside that promise, my heart writhes in pain with the fear of what you, His precious disciples are about to face. There is spiritual warfare being fought in our world. Simply look around, turn on the news, check your social media feed or examine your own life, and you will feel it. Taste it. Hear it. See it. Loud, clear and pungent, Satan is waging war on God's children. And he has a stronghold on campus life. Even in the short time God's turned this blog in this new direction, I've very clearly poured out the heart I have for the college women I am blessed to minister to. I often try to express to them emotionally how I am old enough to have hindsight perspective, yet young enough to still taste the temptation, pain and struggles they deal with daily. And guess what? It doesn't go away upon graduation. While the battlefield may change, the war wages on.

Set your eyes on Jesus. As though you would focus intently on the finish line of a race; fix your gaze on Him. He has laid the path out for us, but oh how our hearts want to chase other things. What are you chasing after? Perfect grades (guilty)? A friend or boyfriend's approval (guilty)? Social status or popularity because of the brand you're wearing or the car you drive (guilty)? A different body shape or size (guilty)? We are all chasing something. And while we're chasing after the next shiny thing that passes by, God is relentlessly pursuing us. So let's stop running from Him and run to Him. Let's stop running the path we've laid out for ourselves, and instead run the path He's set before us. As I read through this scripture from Hebrews 12:1, I keep picturing the scene in "Forest Gump" when Forest, as a little boy, starts to run and his leg braces fly off.

As you start a new semester, my prayer is that each of you finds the power of the Holy Spirit God has placed inside of you to run the race He's set before you. He will run with you. He is present with us always. My prayer is that in spite of what's chasing you, threatening to catch up to you and run you down (be it stress, pressure, tests, homework, etc.), distracting you from the race...in spite of all that spiritual warfare, that you would hear His voice calling out to you. Just like Forest heard sweet Jenny from behind him yelling, "Run, Forest, run!" May you look up and hear clearly your Heavenly Father's voice calling, "Run, my child, run." All my love and His. xo

Who's Your Best Friend?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I remember being in sixth or seventh grade and a "trick" going around where you'd ask someone, "who's your best friend," and as soon as they started to answer, you'd jump in, "no, your best friend is Jesus!" [Thanks for going back to middle school with me for a moment there, now let's get back to being "grown" women, who sometimes (more often than not) still act like middle school girls.]

When do you turn to the Lord? Who is Jesus to you? Is He your last resort when things aren't going your way? Is He a Sunday stop to talk to at church but who simply slips your mind when life gets in the way? Is He someone for "religious" people but you define yourself as more of a "spiritual" person (that always seemed to be trendy on college campuses)? Or is He the first One you turn to when you are worried, burdened, afraid, unsure of what path to take? I'd venture to say that if we'd spend less time gossiping with our best friends/sorority sisters/coworkers/Facebook friends/etc. and more time talking directly with our Savior, we'd feel a lot less burdened and a lot more comforted.

I'm not pointing fingers. I am the first one to admit that when I'm upset, I whip out my phone and my fingers get to texting. Most of the time, I turn straight to my husband. Or, if it's a work issue, I swing around to my coworkers and unload. A lot of times, Jesus is the last consult when I'm searching for guidance. If you can relate, I don't blame you. Our world perpetuates dependence on others' approval, others' advice and others' affirmation. Social media is an "acceptable" (another debate for another post) forum for emotion-dumping. Blogs solicit comments, Facebook solicits "likes" or shares, Twitter solicits replies or retweets, and just like that, an entire peanut gallery is seconds away through cellular cyber space. In fact, to get advice from friends, you don't even have to "talk" to anyone anymore. We live in a world of tangible, instant gratification, and "being still" with God just doesn't feel as glamorous (Psalm 46:10).

Friends are a blessing, a true gift from God. Good friends, especially as for women, are true treasures. The cliche promise of "finding your bridesmaids" when going through sorority recruitment as a college freshman isn't so cliche, and many lifelong sisterhoods are formed during the four years spent at college. I believe that God desires for us to seek counsel and build bonds with true, tried friends. Jesus spent His life traveling, teaching, praying and seeking fellowship with His disciples. He ate with them, He told stories with them, He laughed with them, He cried with them, and through those relationships, He models perfect friendship for us. "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13).

When Jesus needed true counsel, however, when He was so overwhelmed that He was literally sweating drops of blood (Luke 22:44), He left His friends, and sat quietly, alone with His Heavenly Father. And He calls us to do the same. Jesus Christ wants to be the first friend you turn to; He wants to be your best friend. We serve a loving, yet jealous, God, and He demands that we seek and serve Him as the most important relationship in our lives. Before our spouse/fiance/significant other, before our parents, before our siblings, before our friends. Turn to the Lord. Christ is waiting to carry your burden.